Fear and Doubt Happen: Do It Anyway

Fear and Doubt Happen: Do It Anyway

This week has been intense emotionally. Even though I haven't been at my teaching job since the end of June, this week marked the beginning of the school year, and it finally hit me—I don't work there anymore. Yes, I am happy, but you know—those last vestiges of letting go and honoring a new path. Tuesday and Wednesday were the most difficult, because I felt like I should be doing something else, like getting up and putting on teacher clothes and hopping in the car for the commute, and how dare I be home when everyone else is on their way to work or school. Plus, a change in routine throws me off a bit, and it takes some adjusting to time management. I was freaking out emotionally and mentally. My ego berating: I had made a huge mistake and how dare I think I could pull this off. How dare I don’t follow the prescribed work relationship. Who the hell do you think you are starting a business and going to grad school? You had a job—the fear and doubt kicked in big time. My usual amount of writing and meditating lacked the same power they have when I am at ease. I tried to keep busy, but the overwhelm pushed me far beyond my comfort zone. I napped a couple of hours Tuesday (I know—awesome side effect!), was on edge and snippy. Luckily, no one was around during the day to hear how irritated I really was. Essentially, when I get to this egoistic insanity, I am trying to control every move. We all know control never pans out—just keeps everything stuck and limited.

I just kept working—I was a little behind my normal schedule, but I kept at it. The most important thing was I continued with my meditation practice and reflective writing, even when I felt like it wasn’t doing a thing. I took the breaks I needed and listened to all of my emotions. I didn't beat myself up for feeling fear and doubt—I just rode it out with more love and more centering. I fully honor that I freakout and am plagued with doubt, but I've never been more confident in my abilities and what I envision as my best life. I know that what I am creating and what I have left behind is absolutely the best decision I've made in a long time. I can stand a little fear and doubt, because I have chosen this intuitively and consciously. I did not choose this on a whim or as a reaction to something else. I have known for years that I wanted to create Write for Healing, help others write their way to authentic and whole beings, and write, and to do it all on my own terms. I just didn't have the courage and confidence in the past. I have it now, and I am more aware than ever that it's exciting and part of the process as I build to come across some obstacles. I know how to navigate them and if I don’t know, I will find a way, because my vision and dream is unwavering.

I am looking forward to the weekend! Hope your Friday is fabulous!

Enjoy your weekend!

Much love, 

Angelique

Get out of Your Comfort Zone

Get out of Your Comfort Zone: Fridays Are Fabulous

Delaware River in Frenchtown, NJ

Delaware River in Frenchtown, NJ

Happy Friday, beauties!

This week I suggested to my friend Chris that we go tubing on the Delaware River. It's a short enough distance from my house and one of our favorite areas. I wasn't thinking about how difficult it would be. I was imagining how pretty and relaxing it would be to float downstream. And it was. It was scenic—lush mountains dotted the shore on both sides, other tubers and the swoosh of the current. Pretty, but...

I must thank Chris for going. Had it been just me and the kids, we would have been stuck on rocks and trees, and perhaps, we would have ended up in the ocean.

The kids and I got off to a rough start. With three tubes tethered and my limited range of motion because of arthritis, well, it was not easy to get us paddling out to the area where the current was strongest. Plus, I was using only my arms and no paddle (I will know better for next time!). We started with no real results. The kids were freaked out, and I was trying to keep calm, but I was pretty irritated as well. I saw the ground, so I jumped off the tube thinking I would be able to push us a bit and jump back on. Nope. I just sank into some smelly mud. Had to go back to shore to start over. I gave us a bigger push. Better than the first time, but still not enough. We were moving, but we were too close to the shore to be moving enough. We sidled up with some bug-infested trees along the way. The kids screamed and panicked. I kept thinking that going tubing was a horrible idea. I was cursing myself for being so nonchalant about it. Chris was far downstream, but he saw us struggling and thankfully found his way to us. Once he stayed more or less by our side, the trip became all that we hoped it to be. Serene, relaxing, a 4 hour timeout from electronics. It turned out to be something that the four of us were really happy we experienced. 

Each of us (maybe not Olivia), faced some fears while tubing. I faced a big fear of not being able to do something physical because of arthritis and I took my kids with me, which made it harder physically. I stepped out of my comfort zone. Granted, I know I should've prepared a bit more, but it still worked out. It was a reminder that our fears are much bigger than reality, and that we need to continuously embrace the unknown and take a risk. It is where the good stuff is.

Happy Friday! Step outside of your comfort zone this weekend!

Much love,

Angelique