I am pretty noticeable, even when I think I'm beinglow key and blending in, I stand out more than others -- it just spills out, and one of the big reasons I've loved living in the NYC area is that I can hide and blend in pretty well. I'm not the exotic or weird one living here. Not that I am either of those things, but the lifelong mixed race, doesn't look like a black person mixed person, redhead label has left me feeling as sticking out and someone who has felt the need to tame and confine often.
But that is all physical appearance more than anything. I've tried to blend in other ways and hide who I really am, and I'm really good at it. I can totally jump right in where a person is at emotionally and be there side by side which makes me an awesome coach and teacher when I'm staying grounded and in my power, like I mostly do now, but when I wasn't, I was depleted constantly and smaller than I really wanted to. My gauge was going around feeling everyone else's energy out without tending to my own. I still have some automatic triggers that kick in, and they sometimes kick in when I feel vulnerable around really speaking my truth, big or small, when I feel I need to hedge and make other people feel more comfortable than I feel. It is a protective mechanism that kept the peace for others for a long time, but not so much for me. I could easily remain in my old familiar comfort zone of playing down who I really am for the sake of avoiding confrontation and not ruffling any feathers.
So, you can see me? Well, damn! Finally, and I'm glad. I don't have to pretend and try so hard. I get to show up as me and be the goofy, truck driver mouth, passionate and compassionate human I am. I'm a lot of other things that I can't think of right now, and I get to be all of them when I embrace who I am and show up without apology (that's super huge) and without deflecting and hedging.
It's taking some practice, but it is so worth the feeling of being vulnerable and allowing new ideas and new ways to take hold.
Take Writing Action:
Write about how you can show up today in a way that you know is right for you without feeling the need to downplay whatever it is you are showing up for.
Big hugs and love,