It's gnarly and takes up far too much energy. We claw and grasp and pray for the change—all while still stuck knee deep in it. There has been a build up of the impending explosion. Why not let it go and release all that old crap back into the land of no longer wanted? Hanging onto it just creates the reality you're so desperately wanting to not experience anymore.
I am knee deep in it, but I can finally feel the release. I'm a person who hangs on far too long to the old, and when it is in transition, I feel shaky and uncertain which causes me to hang on tighter. It sucks, but I'm learning how to navigate.
Here's what I do know (and, I'm always learning more and bringing it to you as fast as I can process): the faster I let go, the better I feel. I know you all know this—this isn't new information, but it is good to be reminded, and it is good to see that as mindful and as positive as I normally am, that, I too, am constantly evolving and in process. I push up against contrast, just as we all do, that I'd rather not deal with, some contrast that I know I helped to create.
I recently moved back to the city, and it wasn't exactly planned, but I know the decision was made for me, because I was so on the fence about where I was living. I knew I wasn't completely happy—I knew it had provided an important cocooning experience, but that cocoon was cracking super fast, and the peace and quiet of being a suburban / rural gal was no longer needed. I was definitely ready to be back among my tribe in this new, much more satisfied version of myself. The change was needed, but I've been holding onto how it happened way too much, even after it was already done, and today, I can say with confidence, "F*** it." And, I can say this with a big sense of relief and acceptance. I am really freaking happy—I've talked to more people in a week than I did in a month out in the middle of nowhere. I border on introversion, but I like to be an extrovert on occasion, and being in an urban area among some of my dearest friends allows for the extroversion to happen whenever needed. From here on out, I will stick to being in the rural as a weekend getaway. For now, I am beyond happy to stroll outside to a cafe and to the park and to have a drink and to stare at the Manhattan skyline and to people watch. I continue to let go of what was to make room for the awesomeness that is here and even more awesomeness that’s on its way. Things are always working out for me (especially, when I let that s*** go), and it's damn awesome!