Now that I'm older, I finally get what true love is. It isn't all of the BS that the marketers of Valentine's Day feed us (it's fun, though!), and it isn't filled with the drama of push / pull or anything else that we've been taught to believe we must fight and struggle to maintain. Love is not struggle. Love is not a fight. That's insane talk. I do not mean to diminish the intensity of a love that anyone feels, but love when it is intense is soul nourishing and a connection to the whole of you. YOU are the true love you seek. Yes, it's fun to share love with others and to be in love. It is delicious to be so connected to another person who is just as connected as you are, but when you are looking outside of yourself for a person to complete you, it won't be long before you are surely disappointed, because no one can hold a positive space for you for that long.
If you are not in your best state for you first, it will not magically happen with someone else for very long. Trust me. I have a little experience in this area, as I have looked for love in others to fill me up. Many of those relationships were beautiful, but because I, and some of the time, the other, believed that everything would be better just because we were together. What I always failed to do was love myself unconditionally without judgment or fear. And when you can't love yourself the way you love others, well, you may begin to resent the other person for ridiculous things, like wanting to spend time with friends or doing a hobby without you. We are individuals first who want to remain who we are without melding into another person. If we can be in love with ourselves completely, then any relationship we have with others, whether platonic or romantic can be so easy and beautiful—without trying to control what the other person is doing, because you loving yourself is completely the best thing you can do for yourself and all of your relationships.
I am reminded of a scene in Amy Tan's novel, The Joy Luck Club, when one of the sisters has morphed into what she believes is a perfect wife by cooking and serving friends at a party, but it isn't what the husband fell in love with her for. He loved her for how smart and curious she was, and that she had her own ideas and life (maybe, I'm remembering more than what actually happened—it has been many years since I've read the book and watched the movie). All of you know exactly how I feel—just be you and love that you all the freaking way. You'll be so in love with your life and everything around you when you are. Things are just better, without the drama and the struggle.
Happy Valentine's Day to YOU. Be in love unconditionally with the whole of your beautiful and badass self.
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