Clarity is super f'ing amazing...
There is this huge crap I've been carrying for a while now...
Entrepreneurship isn't easy. It doesn't have to be hard, but when you are carrying a bunch of limiting beliefs about how money does and doesn't come and what you should be doing because you've been carrying that for -- too damn long, it can put a major crimp in your plans. Major. Super big. Gigantic.
I have lost a lot on this journey of entrepreneurship, and this is where it is difficult to speak up, because I've also, simultaneously never been more satisfied and content with my life as it is now. But, when you are carrying limiting beliefs, the journey is more difficult.
Early this year, I lost my home. I have never put it in those terms, because I'm not one who believes in victimhood, even when my limiting beliefs tell me that's exactly what I am -- a victim, but I now know much of not speaking about what happened was shame around being a failure, of not building this business fast enough, of not being able to provide for my own basic needs.
I moved in with a good friend. He was generous enough to take us in and keep us safe. Up until about 2 weeks ago, we lived with him, and now we are in a motel, in limbo, but totally safe and happy that we are together. I know my limiting beliefs got me to this place. I have believed that I must suffer in order to make money. I have believed that I have to work hard to receive it, and that is what most of us have taken in as a culture. Because of these limiting beliefs of having to suffer to make ends meet, I have, for as long as I can remember, taken on jobs and people that have been less than what I've deserved. Don't get me wrong, I have learned and loved so much in every situation, every single one, but because I have felt that I must suffer, I have struggled, and I have struggled hard. Even today, as I've surrendered more than I ever have to the universe, I am still learning to love those parts of me that have felt shame and guilt around these limiting beliefs. Even through all of this, I do truly believe what I bring to you here every single day. Our world is filled with more good than bad. The media and the powers that be want us all to believe that there is only suffering...
Love is the way. Love of everyone and everything no matter what its outer appearance. There are galaxies within each of us, and if we are lucky and keep surrendering the limiting beliefs of the ego to our infinity, we can easily recognize and accept this the more we surrender. There is infinite abundance within us and our outer world reflects exactly what we believe.
And here I am -- I created this unknown realm. I have gladly given up so much to follow my heart, and I LOVE what I do. I am sad that I've let my ego, who has a serious Napoleon complex, do all the controlling, but I'm also immensely grateful for the spiritual journey that has brought me to this point. During our move to our friend's home, I logically took on a job that has been fulfilling emotionally and has allowed me to continue working from home and homeschooling my kids (which is totally kick ass), but it has only paid enough to keep me stuck in my limiting beliefs of struggle to make ends meet.
And here I am, in this mixed bag of total acceptance for what I've created -- both in the negative and positive. The positive is so positive, like off the charts positive. Rheumatoid arthritis virtually gone -- only physical evidence of damage of long term misalignment remains. Deeper compassion and love for all people. Deeper sense of who I am in the authentic self. Bottom of the ocean deep gratitude and appreciation for the gifts of learning and connecting.
Today, the ego is being showered with love as it gets to scream and holler about the "right" way of doing things. I let that little creature have its voice (I actually picture the ego as a bunch of dark little versions of me that resemble plastic toy soldiers with knives and swords that are ready for battle, but because of their size, they can't harm me, but because they multiply like Gremlins if not heard, they can cause excruciating soul pain.), because I know it is the Self that is truth. This Self is loving the tiny little angry and scared soldiers, so that we can love ourselves and take care of ourselves, so we can do what we came here to do, and that is to show others that it IS possible, no matter what you've done or where you've been or who you think you are.
You ARE light. You ARE a plethora of love and perfection. You do not have to suffer in order to prove your worth. You do not have to take on something because you've been taught to take on less than you deserve -- relationships, jobs, houses, anything at all.
Thank you from the depths of my heart. You have no idea how much you mean to me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!