No More Shame and Guilt
I woke up with guilt today, and it occurred to me that I wake up most days in this state. Instead of waking up feeling amazing and glorious (that generally happens after coffee and meditation), it finally hit me that I wake up with an immediate to do list running on high-speed repeat. “I have to make the kids their lunches. I really should’ve done that last night. I’ve been putting off making that phone call and sending off those papers. I have so much reading today…” And, it is no surprise that this causes a dreadful fear of the day, and a wash of guilt. Sounds pretty awful, right?
We are conditioned to believe everything we believe. If you let that sentence sink in, it may very well blow your mind (have I conditioned you, yet?!)! We aren't born consciously saying, "I believe I'm going to feel really bad when I wake up." We learned how to do that somewhere. I'm not saying genetics and spirituality don't come into play, but we are individuals within a community that's within other communities. We are taught what to think and are expected to behave a certain way within those communities. It's conditioning. What happens in those communities when you don't play by the rules? You're usually shunned, ostracized, possibly labeled crazy, right? Conditioning. Follow what is told.
In our culture, what is one big thing that is important? We need to be doing more. We have to be working harder and pushing for more. If we don't, well, we are lazy, useless, unmotivated, uneducated, a get-over. I'm sure there are tons more labels for those who aren't over-achieving or just achieving. What happens when we aren't doing more? For many of us, it is guilt that kicks in, and then shame for not being able to do more. It is cyclical and seemingly endless, pervasive. If we aren't reaching these conditions that have been shoved down our throats and internalized, well, then we must suck and be the worst human beings ever, right? Sad, right?
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of feeling guilty for everything. I'm tired of feeling guilty for hating cooking. I'm tired of feeling bad for taking a nap. I'm tired of feeling guilty for really disliking hanging out with other parents at my kids' back to school nights, tired of feeling guilty for doing my homework last minute, tired of feeling guilty for being skinny at age 43, tired of feeling guilty for being biracial but having the privilege of a white woman, tired of being told by society that I'm not good enough, tired of feeling like I’m not doing enough, tired of letting the world dictate what I can and can't feel good about.
No more guilt. No more shame. I am glorious and beautiful and fully me, even when I'm not every expectation I've internalized. When I wake up, I am remembering how awesome it is to be alive and am learning how to let go and to continue being fully this wonderful creature that is me!
I ask you to step fully into who you are as well. No guilt. No shame. Be you all the way! We all have flaws. We all have beauty. Let’s all honor who we are without feeling worthless.